Losing My Mind: Green Zone v. Red Zone
Dear Durable Minds,
I am a multi-sport athlete. In each sport, I struggle with teammates who don’t seem to care or pay attention. It is distracting, disrespectful and a waste of productive time. My coaches have clearly stated that when they are talking, nobody else is talking or horsing around at the same time. Honestly, all I want to do is just yell at them and put them in their place. Please help. - Losing My Mind
“Never let your emotions overpower your intelligence.” - Jean Houston Ph.D
Dear Losing My Mind [LMM],
The good news is that it sounds like you have not lost your mind or flown off the handle and for that I applaud you. Is seems as though you are well aware of how it makes you feel and you are reaching out for suggestions. Honestly, you have already tackled one of the most difficult and critical steps necessary to ensure a resolve, knowing what factors are influencing you, and understanding how it is making you feel.
There is a useful global concept that is used by many different industries that may serve you well. This concept references green line versus red line. Durable Minds defines it as the following:
Green Zone: Any factors that influence thinking and behavior in a productive or positive manner.
Red Zone: Any factors that influence thinking and behavior in an unproductive or negative manner.
I ask myself many times throughout the day, is my thinking and/or behavior productive [Green] or unproductive [Red]? Once I determine that my mindset is green, I begin to design a productive plan.
Here are a few "tools of the trade" that may help you work through you current scenario.
Take a moment to cool down before addressing the issue. Give yourself some space and use some deep breathing techniques, such as box breathing, to remove you from what is known as threat mode.
When you are ready, always keep in mind, that addressing the disruptive teammates directly can be more beneficial, but only if you can approach them in a non-threatening manner. Here are a few steps to assist:
Find a safe space away from other teammates, coaches and spectators to approach your concerns.
Make it a conversation, not an interrogation. You are trying to positively influence your team mate, not put them on the defensive.
In a non-threatening manner, start by sharing the specific situation.
[ex. "John, in the last two practices I noticed when the coach was talking, you were off on the side juggling the ball."]
Remind the him of the expectations.
[ex. "Remember the coach was pretty clear when he said, ‘When I’m talking, everyone must pay attention!’"]
Share the impact it has on everyone involved.
[ex. "The reason I'm bringing this up is for a number of reasons. I want and need you on the field where you are very valuable, not on the bench because you are not following his instructions. I am getting distracted because I want to juggle with you, but know we shouldn't. Lastly, If the coach gets upset with you, then the entire team may have to do sprints. "]
Ask John if he understands your request.
["Does this make sense?"]
Thank him.
["Thanks for listening John. I appreciate it."]
Hopefully, John is willing to listen. When you honor the other teammate, by ensuring the conversation is private, it is one more step in building trust. If he does not receive the feedback well, then you may want to bring it to the attention of the coach. Let him know when and how you addressed the issue.
When you follow this structure either at home, school or within your sport, the benefits are numerous. Here are just a few:
It provides repetition in effectively managing conflict. Practice, practice, practice!
It creates opportunity for clear communication
It ensures alignment
It continues to build trust
You and your coaching team have so many facets to manage. On top of skills development, physical conditioning, creating the line-up, scheduling, planning strategy and teaching tactical execution, there are, at times, red line behaviors to address.
If you have clearly defined your expectations, then it should be as simple as holding accountability, right? The answer is…yes, holding accountability is the next step. However, how you choose to hold accountability may be the difference between simplicity or complexity. Here are a few steps to consider:
Clearly define your expectations and explain why. You must be specific so there is no misinterpretation.
[ex. "Team, when a coach is talking, we ask that you are paying attention. This includes, no side conversations or activities such as, juggling, watching other teams or looking at the fans who are watching the game. We do this so you don’t miss any critical information that will ensure our success.”
Clearly define how you will hold accountability.
[ex. “If we continue to see this behavior continue we will reduce your normal playtime for the next game.”]
Ask for your team's commitment and any questions or concerns they may have.
Thank them for their commitment
Address any observed red line behavior by following the 7 steps in the ‘Losing My Mind’ scenario.
After reading through this blog, take a minute to identify any situations that you run into at home with your athlete. For example: preparing for a game, eating healthy and/or getting enough sleep. Use the 7-step framework to help guide you through some of your more challenging issues.
Remember, the ultimate goal of any Durable Mind's initiative is to get the athlete to learn, practice and apply these skill for themselves. Parents and coaches: our roles are to help them navigate while they learn to drive.
Remember, Private Sessions are available for athletes, parents or coaches upon request. These sessions maybe used for learning and practicing how to manage these types of scenarios.