Please Don’t EVAH!: Requests From Parent[s] To Their Athlete[s]
Dear Durable Minds,
I know my athlete has a lot on their plate, but it is hard keeping my composure when I have repeatedly expressed by expectations. Am I asking too much? -Carrie Composure
“Happiness and safety are the true intentions behind parents non-negotiable expectations ”
Dear Carrie Composure,
As a parent, it is important to establish clear non-negotiables regarding our expectations for your athlete’s journey. The question I always ask is, have you had a collaborative dialogue around those expectations, or were they dictated without rebuttal? Let's take a look at the most common expectations parents have of their athletes:
DON'T EVAH:
Don't ever blame me for forgetting your equipment: Taking responsibility for your gear is a non-negotiable and within your control. Your equipment is vital for your performance, and forgetting it is not an excuse. In addition, it is your responsibility to care for your equipment by treating it with respect, cleaning and hanging it to dry.
Don't ever neglect your academics: Balancing academics and athletics is not always easy. Prioritize your studies, attend classes regularly, and fulfill academic responsibilities. Your commitment to education is integral to your overall development and will likely provide you more opportunities than sports alone.
Don't ever disrespect coaches or teammates: Disrespectful behavior towards coaches or teammates is not tolerated. Maintain a positive and supportive attitude, fostering a cohesive team environment.
Don't ever compromise your integrity: Cheating, lying, or engaging in unethical behavior erodes trust, tarnishes your character, and ultimately impacts your reputation and that of your team. Always choose honesty and integrity.
Don't ever make excuses for lack of effort: Excuses for lack of effort and performance, undermine your potential and growth. Give your best in every practice and competition, regardless of the circumstances.
Don't ever skip essential training sessions: Regular attendance at training sessions is where more development happens. You will have more opportunities to practice necessary skills even more than games or events. Your commitment to training directly impacts your performance. Missing sessions without a valid reason demonstrates a lack of dedication and may result in losing playing time.
Don't ever neglect recovery and self-care: Ignoring recovery and self-care practices can lead to burnout and injury. Prioritize rest, nutrition, and mental health for sustained performance.
Don't ever underestimate the value of teamwork: Embracing teamwork is non-negotiable. Your success is interconnected with the success of the team. Even individual sport athletes have a support team to nurture growth. When you are hurting or in a slump, you are going to want those team teammates’ to lift you up.
These non-negotiable guidelines are designed to instill discipline, responsibility, and a strong work ethic in your athletic pursuits. By adhering to this "Don't Ever" list, you will establish a foundation for success, both on and off the field, fostering personal growth and achievement in your chosen sport.
To ensure a sense of calm from your parents, follow these ideas:
Compare your parents don’t evah list with your coaches don’t evah list. You may find some similarities which will ensure the list doesn't seem too lengthy.
Establish a routine to check and pack your gear without relying on reminders.
Prioritize your schoolwork and commit to a block of time each day that is manageable. Roadblocks will arise but work to get your schedule back on track.
When you feel the urge to blame someone for your lack of effort or performance, evaluate your opportunities for improvement and visualize a more productive outcome.
Ensure that your practices sessions and games are in a family calendar so you can hold yourself accountable. If you can’t then your parent can help you on occasion. Remember, the goal is to relieve that pressure from your parent and allow you to own your behavior
Similar to doctor appointments, schedule blocks of self-care time in the calendar.
To ensure a commitment from your athlete, take a look at this one suggestion:
Compare you non-negotiable list with your athlete's Don't Evah List. Have robust dialog around the importance of each point. At the end of the discussion get a mutual commitment to the list. Just know, there will be hiccups, so be patient with each other. Maintain non-threatening, calm dialog when there are diversions from the plan.