I’m Being Eclipsed!

Dear Durable Minds,

I am doing everything asked of me. I'm not perfect, but I feel like other players are getting opportunities that I am not, and they are not performing as well as I am. What do you suggest? - Defeated & Disappointed

“When the sun is in eclipse and disappears, you can still see its greatness.” - Seneca

Dear Defeated & Disappointed,

Thank you for sharing how you’re feeling. It’s natural to feel frustrated and discouraged when you believe your hard work isn’t being recognized or rewarded fairly. These feelings are valid, and acknowledging them is the first step toward navigating this challenging situation. Let’s explore some strategies, but first, I want you to consider an analogy—the solar eclipse. A solar eclipse occurs when the moon, while traveling its orbit around Earth, crosses in front of the sun. From our perspective on Earth, despite being millions of miles away, the moon appears as large or even larger than the sun. However, this is purely a matter of perspective; the moon is simply much closer to us than the sun, which creates this illusion.

Now, let’s apply this concept to your situation. In this analogy, the coach represents Earth, hoping to witness your full, brilliant performance. You are the sun—bright, energetic, and powerful. So, what is eclipsing your light, causing it to be overshadowed or unnoticed? What is blocking your performance from shining as brightly as you feel it should?

To gain clarity, the first step is to conduct an honest self-assessment and determine if your perspective aligns with the coach’s expectations. Here are four questions to help you hack this situation and identify potential areas for growth:

1. Are my skills where they need to be to support the coach’s expected outcomes?
   • Reflect on the specific skills the coach values most. Are there gaps between your current abilities and what’s required to excel in your position? Consider asking for feedback or comparing your performance to team benchmarks to ensure your efforts are aligned with what’s needed.

2. Is my competitive IQ falling short?
   • This doesn’t refer solely to raw talent but your understanding of strategy, game flow, and decision-making. Are you following the playbook as expected? Do you anticipate plays and adapt quickly? Strengthening your game sense can make a difference in standing out.

3. Are my teammates, even those less skilled, putting in greater effort and urgency than I am?
   • Effort can sometimes overshadow skill. Coaches often prioritize players who exhibit hustle, energy, and a relentless drive—even if their technical skills are still developing. Assess whether your work ethic and body language consistently demonstrate maximum effort.

4. Is my attitude and are my behaviors teetering into the red zone (frustration, negativity) versus staying in the productive green zone (positivity, resilience)?
   • Your mindset and interactions with teammates and coaches matter. Do you maintain focus and composure during tough moments? Staying in the “green zone” communicates reliability and a team-first mentality.

By thoughtfully addressing these questions, you’ll gain a clearer picture of what might be eclipsing your performance. This process is not about criticizing yourself but about finding areas where small shifts could make a big impact. If you identify specific gaps, take actionable steps to address them, whether that means requesting a one-on-one with your coach to seek clarity on expectations, dedicating extra time to refining key skills, or building stronger connections with your teammates.

Remember, just like the sun eventually emerges from behind the moon during an eclipse, your light can shine fully again. Focus on what you can control, and trust that consistent effort and self-awareness will help you rise above this moment. You’ve got this!

As a coach, your role is critical in ensuring alignment

If an athlete is unaware of why you are making certain decisions, it may be because they are distracted, confused, or you may not be clearly defining expectations. In either case, adjustments to your strategy are necessary, and it is crucial to be transparent with your team. While these conversations may require extra time upfront, the effort you invest now will lead to greater efficiency and understanding in the long run.

To streamline your feedback, focus on these four general categories, keeping in mind that specific examples will help clarify your points during coaching conversations. A word of caution: if you lack specific examples, you may not be fully prepared to provide effective feedback.

• Skills Execution

• Competitive IQ

• Effort

• Attitude