Your Self-Narrative: Don’t Let It Break You
Dear Durable Minds,
Lately, I’ve been noticing that everything I do feels either mediocre or just barely okay. Yesterday, I finished a paper for school, and when I read it back, it didn’t feel like my best work. But I didn’t have the time—or maybe the energy—to revise it before turning it in.
Then there’s my best friend. We had talked about hanging out this weekend, but now he’s decided to spend time with another friend instead. That stung more than I expected.
On top of that, my swimming has been off. My times in the pool this week are slower than they were last week, and I can’t help but feel frustrated with myself. It’s like everything I’m doing lately is missing the mark. I’m trying to figure out what’s going on, but I just feel stuck. -Slumping Hard
“Self-narratives can unlock the power to drive meaningful change.” - Lidia Lae
Dear Slumping Hard,
First, thank you for reaching out and sharing your struggles so openly. Recognizing that something feels “off” is an important first step, and it shows a lot of self-awareness on your part.
From what you’ve described, it sounds like an important issue might be rooted in your self-narrative—the story you’re telling yourself about who you are and what you’re capable of. Self-narratives are powerful; they shape how we see ourselves, how we respond to challenges, and ultimately, how we perform in life.
The Impact of a Negative Self-Narrative
Right now, your self-narrative seems to be focused on what isn’t going well:
“My paper wasn’t my best.”
“My friend chose someone else over me.”
“My swimming times are worse than last week.”
This type of narrative often leads to what psychologists call a self-fulfilling prophecy. When we believe we’re not doing enough or aren’t good enough, we unintentionally reinforce those thoughts through our actions and emotions. According to research, individuals with a predominantly negative self-narrative are more likely to experience increased stress, decreased performance, and reduced self-confidence
Rewriting Your Narrative
Here’s the good news: You have the power to rewrite this story. Your self-narrative isn’t fixed—it’s a reflection of how you interpret your experiences. By shifting your focus from what’s wrong to what’s working, you can reframe your perspective and regain control. The way you talk to yourself matters; it sets the tone for how you respond to challenges and opportunities.
Here are some ways to start rewriting your narrative:
1. Perfection Isn’t the Goal
You might feel like your paper wasn’t your best work, but the fact is, you finished it and turned it in. That’s a success in itself. No one produces perfect work all the time, and trying to aim for perfection often leads to burnout rather than growth. Growth happens when we embrace imperfection, learn from our efforts, and keep moving forward.
Think about this: even world-class athletes and professionals don’t deliver perfection every day. Instead, they focus on showing up consistently, learning from each experience, and celebrating progress—no matter how small. Remind yourself that good enough is often good enough, and that effort and persistence are more important than flawless execution.
2. Your Friend’s Choice Isn’t About You
It’s easy to interpret your friend’s decision to spend the weekend with someone else as a reflection of your value, but relationships are rarely so black-and-white. People make plans and decisions for countless reasons—sometimes it’s about convenience, timing, or their own needs, rather than a commentary on how much they care about you.
Instead of focusing on what didn’t happen, zoom out and look at the bigger picture of your friendship. Is your relationship overall strong and supportive? Has your friend shown you kindness and care in the past? One weekend doesn’t define your friendship, just like one “off” practice doesn’t define your ability as an athlete.
3. One Week Doesn’t Define You
Swimming slower than last week might feel discouraging, but it’s important to remember that progress is rarely linear. Even the best athletes have off days, weeks, or even seasons. Your performance this week isn’t a reflection of your overall ability or potential—it’s just one piece of the bigger journey.
Consistency is the key to success, not perfection. What matters most is that you’re showing up, putting in the effort, and learning to navigate the ups and downs. Off weeks are a natural part of growth, and they often teach us resilience and patience.
Instead of dwelling on slower times, shift your focus to what’s within your control. Are you prioritizing rest and recovery? Are you maintaining proper technique in the pool? These small adjustments can help you feel more empowered and set you up for success in the long run.
Strategies to Shift Your Narrative
To help you start rewriting your self-narrative, try these evidence-based strategies:
Challenge Negative Thoughts: When you catch yourself thinking, “I’m not doing enough,” ask yourself:
Is this thought based on facts or feelings?
What evidence do I have to support or challenge it?
Often, you’ll realize the thought is just a temporary feeling rather than an absolute truth.Practice Self-Compassion: Research shows that self-compassion leads to greater resilience and motivation. Instead of being critical, try speaking to yourself like you would to a teammate: “You’re doing your best, and that’s enough.”
Focus on Small Wins: At the end of each day, write down three things that went well, no matter how small. This practice, often called “gratitude journaling,” has been shown to boost positivity and shift perspective.
The Power of Your Story
Your self-narrative isn’t fixed—it’s fluid. You can choose to tell yourself a story of resilience, effort, and growth. The way you frame your experiences today will shape how you approach tomorrow.
Remember, this slump doesn’t define you. It’s just one chapter in a much bigger story. Keep showing up, keep rewriting, and trust that progress is happening—even when it feels slow.
You’ve got this!
